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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30073923">in the cracks of light, i dreamed of you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnymiles/pseuds/sunnymiles'>sunnymiles</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, CC-2224 | Cody Has Issues, CC-2224 | Cody Needs a Hug, Force Ghost Obi-Wan Kenobi, M/M, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Post-Order 66 (Star Wars)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:13:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,828</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30073923</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnymiles/pseuds/sunnymiles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn't know where the scratches come from.</p><p>They appear every morning without fail. Fresh, jagged lines running the length of his arms, a cartography of scars to map his skin.

</p>
<p>His fellow troopers question their appearance with lingering stares, subtle tilts of the head.

</p>
<p>Cody has no answers.

</p>
<p>[or cody can't remember his life before the empire, but he dreams of a blonde man and happiness]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>CC-2224 | Cody &amp; Obi-Wan Kenobi, CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>168</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. dreams of memory</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this was written for commander cody week with the prompt "scars; survivors"<br/></p><p>also an evermore lyric for the title because i love taylor swift more that words can hope to express<br/>


</p>
<p>anyways, have some codywan!!

tw: suicidal thoughts</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>He doesn't know where the scratches come from.</p><p>They appear every morning without fail. Fresh, jagged lines running the length of his arms, a cartography of scars to map his skin.</p><p>His <strike>vod</strike> fellow troopers question their appearance with lingering stares, subtle tilts of the head.</p><p>Cody has no answers.</p><p>No one bothers to ask a second time.</p><p>He’s simply accepted them as another facet of his life that <em>is. </em>Like the way troopers go missing in the night, leaving only whispers in their wake. The way muffled sobbing echoes hauntingly in the freshers.</p><p>Things that aren’t mentioned but are known all the same.</p><p>It's macabrely fitting.</p><p>He was bred for violence, and so it marks him in turn.</p><p>Cody ignores them, can’t find it in himself to care. What is another scar to blemish the body he no longer controls?</p><p>His blacks cover the wounds, and so he is never drawn to them. They only ever see the light when he first wakes.</p><p>Someone would have to know him well to realize they grow worse with each passing day. The red staining darker, cutting deeper, as the list of his sins grows.</p><p>But there is no one left to know him intimately.</p><p>Instead, he finds a semblance of comfort in routine. A distraction in the day to day.</p><p>-</p><p>He wakes before the others, paranoia keeping him sharp and wary.</p><p>The clunky armor is both familiar and alien. The weight of it grounds him each morning, a constant in this new reality.</p><p>It is quick business- tightening a bit there, making sure to loosen that one- his fingers move effortlessly, a lifetime’s practice being implemented.</p><p>Buckling the straps of his pauldron brings with it a string of memories he can’t quite grasp. They dissipate in his hold, only ever leaving him wanting and hopeful.</p><p>Yet, he always feels a rush of pure <em>light</em>.</p><p>He wonders if that’s what happiness feels like.</p><p>Sometimes he can almost picture a blonde man standing beside him-</p><p>Cody jerks himself from those thoughts.</p><p>They only ever end with a pounding headache, his mind a confused mess. He can’t afford that today. Not when the missions already leave him floundering, struggling to reconcile his actions with what <strike>he thinks</strike> he knows of himself.</p><p>His reflection in the steel floor of the ship is foreboding and bright white. Cody doesn’t recognize himself. Shouldn’t there be something yellow?-</p><p>He’s not supposed to think those things.</p><p>Cody walks to the transport shuttle and wonders if this is how a mind unravels?</p><p>Constantly seeking answers to questions he knows are forbidden.</p><p>There’s something beyond his reach, that he can’t <em>get to.</em> It beckons him with warmth and safety, and he feels <em>at peace </em>when the memories slip through.</p><p>But, just when he thinks he’s home and safe, surrounded with thoughts of a partner, the programming in his mind clamps down like a vise.</p><p>
  <em>Good soldiers, follow orders.</em>
</p><p>It’s maddening, being forced to return to the same blank walls when he knows he used to be <em>somewhere else.</em></p><p>He’ll only drive himself insane, searching for this fruitless dream.</p><p>A traitorous voice inside his mind asks if it would be worth it.</p><p>Cody doesn’t know.</p><p>-</p><p>His assignment for the day is on-planet civilian control. Classy words for quelling non-existent riots and conducting mass executions.</p><p>The shuttle ride over is filled with stony silence. Every trooper is there to survive the next day and no more.<br/>
<br/>
A part of himself screams that this isn't right. There should be joking and camaraderie, a sense of shared purpose-</p><p>The quiet is all consuming.</p><p>When the ship lands, he’ll at least have something to focus on. </p><p>But, it’s always the same mindless murder.</p><p>Is it better that the troopers have retained the notion of sentience? He often wonders.</p><p>Any traitorous thought he has is silenced by the chip in his brain, yet he still pretends to hold some individuality. He’s still Cody.</p><p>Perhaps it’s the Empire’s way of promoting uniformity and passing the blame.</p><p>It’s of no importance, they aren’t any better than droids. An army for someone else's war.</p><p>Cody remembers a time he fought to help others-</p><p>He shouldn’t dwell.</p><p>-</p><p>They touch on Ryloth and the troopers pour out of the shuttle. A hive mind sending out soldiers to do its bidding. A mass of white to infiltrate this beautiful planet.</p><p>He makes his way out in a daze, only faintly registering the Imperial’s actions at the front.</p><p>They’re herding the frightened Twi’leks into a familiar formation.</p><p>No-</p><p>The commanding officer orders the line of citizens executed.</p><p>
  <em>Good soldiers, follow orders.</em>
</p><p>His arm raises with his blaster. There is no thought behind it, no feeling, just orders-</p><p>It’s probably for the best. There are rumors of crueler fates than death in the slave camps of the Outer-Rim.</p><p>Something claws at him from the inside. A plea to remember, a plea to stop. A warm voice cries out in anguish, tells him that this isn’t who he is.</p><p>It is silenced by the empty nothingness permeating his soul.</p><p>He doesn’t miss.</p><p>The Twi’leks go down, embracing death for an eternity. Cody wishes he could join them.</p><p>Instead, he turns, and mechanically finishes the operation.</p><p>-</p><p>The walk back to the ship feels awkward.</p><p>There is a sense of wrongness that echoes his every move. His tongue sits too big in his mouth. Sweat beads down his forehead inside the helmet. His head throbs with an increasingly rhythmic cadence.</p><p>His feet stumble into the shuttle.</p><p>“CC-2224, what’s the matter?”</p><p>He can just barely make out the approaching floor as he passes out.</p><p>-<br/>
<br/>
In sleep, his mind is free.</p><p>He dreams of golden warmth. The smell of tea and old books. Self-deprecating jokes and witty banter.</p><p>It hits him with a rush of pure joy-</p><p>
  <em>Obi-Wan.</em>
</p><p>A smirk adorning his handsome face and Boga looming right behind him.</p><p>His partner, his general, his love.</p><p>“Execute Order 66.”</p><p>
  <em>No, no, no, no</em>
</p><p>He’s free falling, he won’t, he can’t, he <em>loves</em> Obi-</p><p>
  <em>Good soldiers, follow orders.</em>
</p><p>He raises the blaster.</p><p>The brief glimpse of betrayal on Obi’s face is enough to ruin him. To destroy any pretense of his own morality.</p><p>What kind of monster does he have to be to block out the sun that is Obi-Wan?</p><p>The blast strikes true.</p><p>Cody shatters, his own soul ripping itself in two. His heart cries out for its kin, and a part of himself is irreparably changed.</p><p>-</p><p>He wakes with a harsh gasp.</p><p>His fingers dig bloody trails into his forearms, cautioning him of their betrayal.</p><p>The body that had loved Obi-Wan begging for an absolution that will never come. The hands that had held his general's so tenderly, warning him of their malicious intent.</p><p>The scars are a visceral reminder of his pain, his turmoil. A permanent etching of his failure, an unconscious plea to not hurt <em>his jetii.</em></p><p>But, he <em>remembers.</em></p><p>He remembers it all. Order 66, the purge, the destruction, <em>the</em> <em>Empire</em>-</p><p>There are stormtroopers crowded all around him, coming back from the mission from Ryloth. Cody can make out an apathetic medical droid hovering over him.</p><p>It's too much. These monsters have cost him enough.</p><p>He lurches to his feet, a plan half-forming in his mind. Just like the <em>good old days</em>.</p><p>If he can hijack the ship, he can get himself out from the Empire's thumb. Remove the chip, live off-world, and make amends.</p><p>There are two commanding officers already approaching him, seeing him awake.</p><p>It's now or never.</p><p>He's high on the memories of a life well lived, of wanting to make a change. It makes him reckless.</p><p>He's moving before they can react, grabbing the blaster from a nearby trooper and firing. His aim has never failed <strike>even when he most wanted it too</strike>, and he takes down the two officers without blinking.</p><p>The pilot must know what's happened because before he can take another step, an alarm blares.</p><p>The troopers <em>swarm.</em></p><p>There are too many to fight off, no one to watch his back-</p><p>The needle comes from behind, a cold jolt to his neck. The taste of defeat is bitter in his mouth, a sting harsher than the drugs.</p><p>He’s failed. <em>Again.</em></p><p>Two Imperials rush from the cockpit to roughly haul him up, but the world is already hazy.</p><p>-</p><p>He blinks awake sluggishly.</p><p>A shock of cold.</p><p>Cody doesn’t remember liking the cold.</p><p>
  <em>A mission gone wrong, huddling for warmth, shivering uncontrollably. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m just a Clone, sir. Don’t worry about me.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A scoff of incredulity, and a posh accent. A warm body held close to his own.</em>
</p><p>Now, it is all he seems to feel.</p><p>Voices argue over him, but Cody just wants it to be over. It’s too much. He just wants Obi-Wan-</p><p>“He’s already been wiped twice”-</p><p>“Do it again. You know Vader’s taken special interest in this one.”</p><p>“And if he doesn’t survive?”</p><p>“He’s just a clone, they’re all replaceable.”</p><p>Footsteps echo down the hallway.</p><p>At least if he dies now, it’s as himself. A person, not a number.</p><p>There is comfort in that.</p><p>A loud whirring fills the tank, and he is lowered in.</p><p>Something warm and gold gently caresses his mind. A reassurance and an apology in one.</p><p>He smiles softly because Obi-Wan is always with him. His forgiving, self-sacrificing jetti.</p><p>The dark becomes too much, and he knows no more.</p><p>-</p><p>“State your number, trooper.”</p><p>“CC-2224, sir.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“Where were you during Order 66?”</p><p>“Utapau, sir.”</p><p>“And which Jedi did you eliminate?”</p><p>“Obi-Wan Kenobi, sir.”</p><p>CC-2224 glances down at the red scars traversing his arms. That’s not in regulation.</p><p>“And, what is your purpose?”</p><p>“To serve the Empire.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. visiting a grave</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi!!! i just wanted to wrap this one up a bit more (because codywan, my beloved) and i used the angstpril prompt "visiting a grave" for inspiration :))))</p><p>tw: suicidal thoughts &amp; major character death</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>They send him to Utapau.</p><p>Something about the name sends a shiver through his spine. Something raw and heavy, <em>aching</em> to be understood.</p><p>He makes his way to the ships slowly, something in him strangely reticent. His fingers trail absent-mindedly along the scars, the rigid edges winding up his arms.</p><p>CC-2224 doesn’t question orders, though. That wouldn’t be in protocol.</p><p>-</p><p>The whirring of the shuttle grinds uncomfortably against his mind, something too clinical to be comforting.</p><p>He sits within the apathetic, silver walls and counts the tile lines. Anything to distract himself from the wave of foreboding threatening to drown him.</p><p>It’s been like this since the <em>cold.</em></p><p>He can’t remember <em>before,</em> but the frigid awareness he carries, since then, has set him permanently on edge. The cold seeps into his life, overwhelming his every sense with false calm.</p><p>There’s something wavering past the edge of his awareness.</p><p>
  <em>He doesn’t think he’s supposed to know that.</em>
</p><p>The cold sweeps the knowledge away, an unforgiving tyrant, and CC-2224 focuses on the mission. It should be routine procedure.</p><p>They are culling the increasingly aggressive varactyl population. Citizens on the planet have been complaining of attacks and death-</p><p>
  <em>Where in the galaxy is not plagued by these things?</em>
</p><p>-and the Empire has sent his squadron to deal with the issue.</p><p>CC-2224 is wary of animals. They aren’t as easily defined as humans, whose cruelty can be counted on. There’s an unpredictability with beasts that leaves him respectful and unsure.</p><p>In another life, CC-2224 would be sympathetic towards the varactyls. He knows what it means to long to be free, to lash out at the people invading your space, <em>your mind.</em></p><p>In this life, he resigns himself to the cause.</p><p>-</p><p>When his boot first touches the ground, the hairs on the back of his neck stand at attention. Dread travels through his body like ice, freezing him solid. Attentiveness honed by a lifetime keeps him still, hesitant to go further.</p><p>CC-2224 has the strangest sense that something awful has happened here.</p><p>His stomach churns, but he forces it down. He’s one of the Empire’s leading commanders, and there is no weakness in the Empire.</p><p>
  <em>“Good soldiers, follow Orders.”</em>
</p><p>CC-2224 takes the next step.</p><p>-</p><p>The squadron decides to split up.</p><p>The other troopers are cocky in their abilities. Unawed by the stillness of the planet- how even the trees cower from the predators, bending low to bow in reverence.</p><p>No, they are each confident enough in themselves to handle a single varactyl.</p><p>CC-2224 had stayed silent during the discussion. These are not his brothers.</p><p><em>His vod.</em> A whisper in his mind carries the word, but before he can latch onto it, the cold has washed it away.</p><p>Regardless, he trusts these men little. Separating gives him a chance to sort out his thoughts, to rein in the constant nausea this planet provides. Something clenches around CC-2224’s heart, uncomfortably tight.</p><p>He needs to discover the root of the issue, return to optimal efficiency.</p><p>CC-2224 needs to be able to serve the Empire.</p><p>Because what is he <em>without</em> the Empire?</p><p>
  <em>A person.</em>
</p><p>CC-2224 ignores that thought.</p><p>-</p><p>CC-2224 makes for the caves.</p><p>The dark crevices along the shoreline allow for better sightlines and a place to hide. This is where CC-2224 would go if he could be <em>free</em>.</p><p>The darkness of the cave wraps him in shadow, cloaking him with familiarity. His helmet's night vision is the only source of visibility. Water drips down the walls, splashing onto the floor in melodious time. CC-2224 thinks its strangely <em>peaceful</em> here.</p><p>The hiss behind him is his only warning.</p><p>He whips around, aiming his blaster for the noise.</p><p>Teal scales gleam, blinding him with their brilliance. They glow in the gloom, luminescent and captivating. A claw scratches against the floor, sending a bolt of involuntary fear down CC-2224’s back. But the reptilian figure stays silhouetted by the entrance.</p><p>The creature is <em>magnificent.</em></p><p>Lithe muscles stretch beneath its skin, warning him of their strength. He contemplates just letting the varactyl take him. Offering no resistance.</p><p>The beast’s yellow eyed stare follows him, calculating. Intelligent with its regard.</p><p>CC-2224 slowly lowers the blaster, maintaining eye contact. Ignoring the disembodied voice in his mind, the one that tells him to kill without mercy, <em>without thought.</em></p><p>Something glimmers in the varactyl’s gaze. If the creature were human, CC-2224 would call it recognition.</p><p>Like a switch flipping, the animal suddenly <em>rages.</em></p><p>The creature bares yellow teeth at him, fearsomely. Spines raise up along its back, hackles raising in a challenge. One he does <em>not</em> want to answer.</p><p>CC-2224 is so <em>tired</em>.</p><p>He has no desire to <em>keep </em>fighting<em>.</em> He’s done that all his life.</p><p>A roar echoes from behind him, shaking the cave walls. Hot breath blows on his neck, it is <em>too</em> close. In his study of the one in front, he must have missed a second beast.</p><p>CC-2224 closes his eyes and waits for the inevitable.</p><p>-</p><p>He opens his eyes to blue mist and <em>warmth.</em></p><p>“Cody?”</p><p>Cody. Not CC-2224.</p><p>“Ob-Obi-Wan?” <em>His</em> jetii just smiles softly.</p><p>Obi-Wan is dressed in a familiar robe, one Cody has retrieved exasperatedly countless times. The auburn hair and thoughtful eyes are too real to be faked, can’t be another trick of the Empire’s. No one can replicate the sheer comfort Obi-Wan radiates.</p><p>If this is penance for his sins, perhaps it was all worth it.</p><p>“Do you remember?” There’s something uniquely vulnerable in his tone, something Cody’s only heard a few times before.</p><p>But Cody does <em>remember.</em></p><p>The horrors he’s committed, the mindlessness of the atrocities. And what he did to <em>Obi-Wan.</em></p><p>“Obi, I-I’m”-</p><p>He can’t get through the sentence before the sobs break from him. He <em>killed</em> Obi-Wan.</p><p>“It’s alright.” But it’s <em>not.</em> Obi’s hands wrap around him, tethering him to a soul that has never failed him. Cody staggers into him, immensely grateful for a touch that is <em>only</em> motivated by love.</p><p>“I’m <em>so </em>sorry.”</p><p>“Cody, it wasn’t you. You were<em> controlled</em>.” He knows that, but it does nothing to soothe the guilt rising in his throat.</p><p>“Shhh it’s alright. We’re <em>together</em> now.”</p><p>Cody stares at Obi-Wan, soaking in his features. The kind blue eyes, same as he remembers. An etch of a frown line between his brows, a remnant of the padawan Obi-Wan endured.</p><p>There’s something between them that has always transcended words.</p><p>Perhaps this<em> is</em> good. <em>New.</em> They are together. <em>Whole</em> again.</p><p>And the Obi-Wan sized hole in his heart has been repaired. He’s been drowning since the Order and Obi-Wan is the air he needs to breathe.</p><p>In that moment, Cody takes a moment. To grieve for the life they could’ve had. For the role he played in destroying it. To begin to <em>forgive</em> himself.</p><p>They were all just <em>pawns.</em></p><p>“How is this possible?” He realizes that Obi-Wan is not corporal. He’s ghost-like, a specter. Cody will take him any way he comes.</p><p>“The Force works in mysterious ways.” The crinkle near his eyes belies his amusement with the use of the old adage.</p><p>“Wha-What is this place?” He clutches Obi-Wan, afraid to let go and have him vanish.</p><p>“Happiness.”</p><p>Then a bit gentler Obi-Wan adds, “Peace.”</p><p>Cody glances around at the empty vacuum they’ve found themselves in. Looks to the man he loves eternally.</p><p>He answers himself, <em>“Home.”</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>aah hope that was okay! i've never written something with a second chapter lol</p><p>kudos/comments always appreciated!



</p>
<p>find me on tumblr! @sunnymiles</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>find me on tumblr!! @sunnymiles<br/></p><p>kudos/comments always appreciated :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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